


No Happy Endings

by akashaflipsdesk



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: and a lot of it, suicide warning, this has pain, witnessing suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:44:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8154515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akashaflipsdesk/pseuds/akashaflipsdesk
Summary: Joel was able to convince Marlene to wait for Ellie.  Leaving the decision to become the cure up to her.  Ellie decided to agree, believing that her life was no longer her own since the day Marlene said she could be the cure.  But when Ellie made Joel promise he would return to Jackson, Ellie could tell he was lying.  And that caused Ellie to change her mind.But trying to change your fate comes with an awful price.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So i heard you all like pain... XD  
> seriously, though, this one is painful. tread carefully while reading this.

Ellie wasn't sure if she could do this. Not after what had been said in the ranch house. After calling him out on leaving her and fighting so hard to make him stay, could she really abandon him now? It was selfish to want her own life and she knew that. She was the world's only shot at a cure. That meant her life was not her own and she needed to realize that. There were more important things in this world than her wanting to have a life. Things more important than her happiness.

But were all those people, was the cure, really worth abandoning the _last_ person who cared about her? Joel had promised to be good before he left. Had promised he wouldn't go back to being a smuggler or a Hunter. But when Ellie made him promise he would go back to Jackson and reconcile with Tommy, Ellie knew he was lying. Knew the man didn't mean it when he said 'I will'. But if he wasn't going back, where would Joel go? Would he just wander or something? Wait to be… to be killed? With that thought in Ellie's mind and with the picture of he and Sarah in her hand, the teen made her decision. She had lost so much during these last few months… but Joel had too. It wasn't right for her to take something else from him; not after everything they had been through.

Making it final in her mind, Ellie looked up at Marlene as she stood only a few feet away.

“I'm sorry, Marlene-” Ellie began as the woman turned to her, looking at her puzzled, “but… I can't do this.” Marlene's puzzlement turned to surprise, but Ellie didn't pay it much mind. Instead, Ellie slipped the picture back into Joel's backpack and stood. Pulling her pack onto her shoulders as Marlene approached.

“Ellie… do you have _any_ idea what you're doing?” lifting Joel's heavier backpack off the ground, Ellie nodded.

“Yeah… I’m not abandoning Joel.” Ellie tried to leave it at that and walk away, but Marlene stepped in front of her. Stopping Ellie and getting in the girl's way.

“This is exactly why I didn't want you making this choice.” Ellie looked up at the woman, green eyes wide at the force of Marlene's statement and the way she was glaring down at her, “This isn't one of your fucking books, Ellie. These are real people that you're allowing to suffer and die just so you can run off and play house with a _murderer_.” Ellie glared back at her.

“Well guess fucking what, Marlene, it's _my_ fucking life we're talking about. And if I want to fucking spend it playing fucking 'house', then that's what I’m going to fucking do. As for 'murderer', that's really fucking rich coming from _you_. Maybe you should try looking in the fucking mirror, Marlene. _You_ were going to take my life without even fucking asking me. _Joel_ was the one who forced you to wake me up. Forced you to ask me what _I_ wanted to do with _my_ fucking life. Doesn't that make you a fucking murderer too, Marlene?” the woman didn't reply, her eyes going wide with surprise and her lips parting slightly at what Ellie accused her of being, “Now… get the fuck out of my way. I’m going back to Joel and we're going back to Jackson so we can be fucking happy.”

“And at what _cost_ , Ellie? Do you realize what _cost_ this 'happiness' will come at?”

“To be honest, while I was out there with Joel, running after you and your merry band of fucking assholes, I only met two people and one community that didn't try to fucking kill me. So you know what, if those people out there are the people my life will go toward saving, then fuck them. People have been treating me like shit my _entire fucking life_ , Marlene. And you should fucking _know_ that! The only one who cared about me, and I mean _really_ fucking cared about me, was Riley and she's fucking dead. But now I have another person who cares about me. Someone who… loves me, maybe, I don't fucking know but I know I finally have someone who could be my... dad or a partner or maybe even another best friend but here I fucking am just giving all that up?” Marlene continued her silence as Ellie let that sink in for a moment. Taking a step toward the woman, Ellie tried to make her understand, “Before Riley died, we had a choice to make. Kill ourselves or wait it out and Riley told me that we should fight… for every second we get to spend together. Not give it up, not any of it… not for anything. At the time, I thought she was fucking crazy… but I agreed to it and no matter how it fucking ended, those last few days with her… were the best fucking days of my fucking life, okay? And now… now I’m standing here with another fucking choice. A choice between killing myself for a bunch of fucking people who couldn't give two shits about the little girl who gave up everything to cure them… or spending whatever fucking time I’ve got left with a man who told me he would literally do _anything_ for me. And yeah, he's not fucking perfect… he's a violent fucking asshole sometimes but I don't fucking care. He's all I fucking have now and I’m… I’m not giving that up… not for anything. So just… get the fuck out of my way, Marlene.”

“Do you know how many lives a cure could save, Ellie?” Ellie shrugged, idly shaking her head and disappointed that Marlene was still fighting for her fucking cure instead of trying to say 'hey, I care about you too' or something like that. Ellie should have fucking known she was like every other adult in the girl's life. Marlene didn't care about Ellie, she only wanted something from her.

“Right now… I only care about saving two lives, Marlene. Mine and Joel's.” Marlene finally let Ellie walk passed her. Not saying anything more as Ellie left the room and began walking down the hallway. Once she left the woman's side, Ellie did have a moment, a small moment, between there and the front doors where she couldn't believe herself. Couldn't believe the choice she had just made. How selfish she was being. But the second Ellie left the hospital's front doors, the only thing on her mind was Joel.

Where the fuck would he go? What road did he take? He was escorted… but apparently, the man who had escorted him wasn't back yet.

After pulling on her shoes, Ellie asked one of the Fireflies guarding the outside where they had gone. Thankfully, he was helpful and pointed Ellie in the right direction without hesitation. Thanking him, Ellie headed down the road he had indicated. Jogging as fast as she could on broken concrete with untied shoes. Having not bothered to work the laces of them into proper knots. She didn't have the time or patience for that. She needed to find Joel before he got too far.

Not long after leaving, Ellie crossed paths with another Firefly. Recognizing him as the man who had escorted Joel out of the hospital, Ellie stopped. If she remembered correctly, the man's name was Ethan and Ethan seemed pretty irritated. A large, dark bruise on his cheek. One Ellie was sure he didn't have before the two men left.

“Where is he?” she called out to him and the man glared at her. Though Ellie assumed it was more out of pain than anything else.

“Who, the fucking smuggler?” she nodded, “He went that way” the man spoke, gesturing down the road, “asshole fucking attacked me, too… stole my fucking gun and kept walking.” if Ellie had the time to be surprised, she would have wondered why the man was still _alive_. However, Ellie's mind didn't register that. She had the information she needed and never once thought to wonder. It seemed obvious to her why someone would need a gun out here. The city was crawling with infected, after all. He would likely need it if he wanted any hope of making it out of the city alive.

Leaving Ethan to return to the hospital, Ellie ran as fast as her legs could take her. Praying she wouldn't trip on her laces as she searched the road in front of her. The only horizon she cared about and out from the darkness of pre-dawn, a figure soon formed. Crossing an overpass that was leading out of Salt Lake City. Able to recognize that silhouette anywhere, a smile crossed Ellie's face as she called out to him. Waving her free arm in the air.

“Joel! Joel, wait up!” when the man didn't stop, slow down, or even look back at her, Ellie's heart felt like someone was twisting it tightly in her chest, “Hey, you fucking asshole, stop!” but Joel still didn't wait for her. Barely even acknowledged her voice. Angry with him now, Ellie pushed herself to run faster. She had come all this fucking way, given up the world's shot at a cure, just for some asshole who wasn't going to wait up for her? Fuck that. Joel would be lucky if she didn't beat him over the head with his baseball bat once she caught up, “Joel fucking Miller, you stop right fucking now or I’ll throw your fucking backpack at you!” the man still didn't stop and though she _had_ wanted to chuck something at him, Ellie couldn't. The backpack was too heavy and she was still weak from the drugs. Making her too tired to heft it much higher than her shoulder. Instead, Ellie caught up to him. Dropping the backpack in her hand and wrapped her arms around his ribs. Forcing him to stop or drag her along.

Thankfully, he stopped this time. But for a long moment, Joel didn't move. Didn't even say anything to her. Therefore, Ellie did. Trying her best to get him out of whatever stupid funk he had gotten himself into.

“I couldn't fucking do it, Joel…” she spoke, feeling tears stinging her eyes because this was _not_ the way their reunion was supposed to go. He was _supposed_ to be happy and talking to her and hugging her or something. But instead he just fucking _stood_ there, not saying anything, “I just couldn't fucking do it, okay?” was he disappointed in her or something? Gripping the front of his shirt tightly, Ellie tried her best not to start crying at that thought. Of course he wouldn't be disappointed, this was what he wanted, right? “Joel…” so why wasn't he _talking_?

Finally, Ellie felt his hands on hers. Calloused skin gliding over hers as Joel gripped Ellie’s hands gently. Ellie was elated when she felt his touch, but was quickly filled with pain again as Joel coaxed her hands away. Unraveling her arms around him. It broke her heart for a moment until the man fell to his knees in front of her. Eyes going wide, lips parting, Ellie watched as Joel turned slightly so he could sit against the concrete railing. It didn't take long before Ellie realized Joel was _crying_.

“Joel?” the man's chin quivered as he tried not to make a sound, but the evidence was there. Flowing from his eyes down his cheeks and soaking his beard. Ellie had never seen Joel cry before, didn't even think he could. But here the man was with tears soaking his face; most likely too ashamed to look at her and Ellie didn't understand _why_. She was _here_ , she was _okay_ , they could run off and be happy and live whatever lives they had left together. But here he was, a grown man, quietly crying his fucking eyes out on the side of an overpass and Ellie didn't understand _why_. Not knowing what else to do, Ellie pulled off her backpack and approached him, “Joel.” she croaked out, trying hard to keep her own tears back as her body swirled with pain and fear and _happiness_. A small part of her wanting to actually _laugh_ because Joel was crying for no reason. At least not one she could understand.

In all honesty, to see that the thought of losing her made someone as hard as Joel hurt this much warmed her heart and ripped it to shreds as Ellie did the only thing she could think of. Sitting on his lap, Ellie wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged Joel tightly, “Fucking shit, Joel, why are you crying?” Ellie asked even though she knew the answer.

Or, at least she _thought_ she did.

“Because I wish you were here, girl.” Ellie's eyes snapped wide open as she felt something shattering inside her. 'I wish you were here' what the fuck did that mean? Pulling away, Ellie looked him in the eyes as light started coming to the world. The sky starting to turn a mix of red, yellow, and pink along with the blues and purples of night.

“But Joel I’m… I’m right fucking here. I’m sitting in your fucking lap for fuck's sake.” he finally looked up at her with eyes red and wet with tears, “I… I couldn't do it, Joel… I want to be the cure but if that fucking means abandoning you… I won't do it.” he smiled softly, but Ellie could still see the sorrow darkening his hazel eyes and it tugged painfully at her chest.

“That's… that's real nice of you, Ellie… but I know it ain't true.” her fingers gripped his shoulders a little tighter. The girl slowly filling with dread and horror as he spoke, “I know… I know the real Ellie is still back there with Marlene… probably dead by now or will be soon… and I’m just a fool sitting here, talkin' to nothin' but air.”

“Wh-what the fuck are-”

“I know you ain't real-” he interrupted, “and I… I know for damn sure you ain't her.” she felt her heart break when Joel said that.

“What the fuck are you talking about?! Fucking shit, Joel, I’m right fucking here!” Joel shook his head.

“No you're not, Ellie… you're not here, you're not real… and I ain't lettin' you stop me from keepin' my promise to her.”

“Promise? What fucking pro-” but it quickly dawned on her what the man was talking about. Ellie's mind flashing back to that moment right after they saw the giraffes. Right after he had offered her a way out she should have taken but didn't. How she said there could be no half-way with this. That she _had_ to do this and his response to that came back to her.

_I ain't leavin' without you._

The weight of his statement hitting her all at once, Ellie realized why he had lied. Why he had stolen the Firefly's gun. He didn't plan to use it for protection, he planned to use it to keep his promise. One way or another, Joel wasn't leaving Salt Lake City without her. Not alive, anyway but Ellie didn't _understand_. She was here, _right fucking in front of him_. So _why_? Why would he-

Ellie's thoughts were halted as Joel suddenly lifted a revolver. Pressing it against his temple.

“I'm sorry… I know I promised I’d go back to Jackson… but I can't do it, baby girl…”

“W-wait just a fucking-” he pulled back the revolver's hammer and the click of it forced her to stop.

“I'm real damn sorry… but I’m too goddamn tired to keep survivin' without Ellie.” the girl's mind reeled, searching for anything she could say or do to make him stop and convince him she was here with him. But Ellie was too scared to try grabbing the gun.

“No, Joel, stop!” the loud crack of the revolver felt like someone had broken every bone in her body. Blood spraying from the other side of Joel's head as he went limp. Arm and gun dropping to the concrete. For a moment, Ellie sat there in shock. Her mouth wide open and her body ridged. Mind completely blank until the first few rays of morning highlighted bloodstained concrete. This couldn't be happening, “Joel!” she screamed his name so loudly, her voice thrashed the girl's throat. Ellie barely able to recognize her own voice as she pulled him forward. Her mind broken as Ellie tried in vain to stop the bleeding. Thinking she could save him if she just got it to _stop_.

Pressing her hands against the bullet wound, Ellie held the other side of his head to her chest. Not wanting to see the damage that had been done and knowing her hands weren't big enough to cover a wound that large. She had to keep everything in his skull otherwise he would die but it wasn't _working_.

“Wake up!” she screamed, tears streaming from her eyes as Ellie sobbed. Why wasn't it _working_?!

~o~

She looked so beautiful sitting like that. Highlighted by the rising sun like an angel come to save him. Come to bring him home and make him promise to keep on living. But Joel couldn't make that promise to her. He couldn't do it because Joel knew Ellie wasn't really there. She was dying or dead and Joel couldn't – _wouldn't_ – live a single day without her. Joel had barely lived through losing one daughter. The pain from it had turned him into a monster Sarah would have never recognized. Joel couldn't live through losing a second. Couldn't live to see what it would make him.

If only his mind hadn't been so broken. He could have realized Ellie was real. But Joel was so convinced that he knew this tactic. His mind had used it many times before. Sarah coming to him after she had died or during really low points in his life. Consoling him, being with him. Trying to help him fix what was so goddamn _broken_ in him but ultimately just making him so much worse because sometimes, even now, he can't completely tell the difference between what was real and what wasn't. So he just assumed if it seemed too good to be true, then it was nothing more than his mind playing him for a fool. And Ellie? Giving up the cure and coming back for him? That was way too goddamn good to be true. But at least he got to see her, one last time, before his world went black. The world of the living quickly filling with the screams of a real girl who hadn't died. Who _had_ given up the cure for him and was ready to help him – really help him – to fix the broken pieces of both their minds. Who was begging and pleading and telling him the _truth_. She _was_ here. She _was_ real. She _was alive_.

What a tragedy it was Joel couldn't see it.

~o~

Marlene didn't know what to make of that day. Fate had given her the cure, despite all the odds stacked against her. And then, through a sick twist, Ellie had left her for a smuggler. Had given up the cure so she wouldn't abandon one person. Putting his life above the lives of thousands. Marlene had honestly thought Ellie would have been better than that. She cared about people so much, wanted to help everyone around her. But instead of saving the world, she decided to damn it. All for one man.

Therefore, it was a surprise when Ethan came to her.

“Um… Marlene… you need to come with me.” she looked at the man confused and irritated, but followed him nonetheless and was struck by what he brought her to. Ellie had returned, sobbing, with the front of her hospital gown, her face, and her hands soaked in blood. Marlene's eyes searched the girl's body, but found no wounds as she stepped closer. So where had the blood come from?

“Ellie, what happened?”

“Why?” Ellie finally whimpered out as she looked up at Marlene. Her eyes red as the blood staining her, “Why?!” she repeated loudly, “Why would he do this?!” she was shouting now as her legs gave out underneath her. Catching her, Marlene examined the teen's bloodied face. Still trying to deduce what was going on.

“What happened, Ellie?”

“He killed himself!” Marlene realized she was talking about Joel, “H-he… he took the gun and… and he… he fucking… he-” it didn't take a genius to realize what she was trying to say as the teen choked on her words, “Why would he do that, Marlene?!” there was a real answer and it was the pain. The years of surviving as a man wracked with guilt and pain and anger. The systematic destruction and breaking of a human mind beyond repair as a result of what it had survived. To a point where it was so broken and torn, it couldn't recognize what was right in front of it that morning.

But that wasn't how Marlene decided to interpret it.

To her, this was what fate had wanted. It hadn't taken Ellie from her. Instead, it had merely led her away to Joel so the girl could watch as he killed himself.  Cement in her mind that the last thing tethering her to this world was gone. Giving her no more reason or will to live. No more attachment to this life and in some morbid part of herself, Marlene celebrated it. The world was finally going to see the light.

It didn't matter to her that Ellie's world was nothing but darkness and the blood of a man who could have meant _something_ to her. Possibly even _everything_. But that was Fate. And sometimes Fate was cruel to those who wouldn't accept theirs.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry, i didn't meant to hurt everyone like this... i am a horrible person for doing this... but i did it anyway.
> 
> feel free to hate me.


End file.
